The following Sunday afternoon, I sat across from Rev. Showalter and told him my story. I kept trying to sense his disapproval but he seemed to be listening without any agenda at all. When I finished, I waited for him to say what I’d done wrong and what I needed to do to right it.

Instead, he asked quietly, “Where do you stand with the Lord, Sheila?” To my surprise, I answered, “I’ve always believed Christ died for the sins of mankind and it’s never made any difference in my life.” 

“Let’s tell Him that,” he said, and began to pray with me.

I paid little attention to his prayer because I expected he would give me some direction after he finished the formalities. Instead I heard him pray, "Sheila has come to the end of her rope and wants You to take over her life.”

“No! I thought, “just solve this mess.” And then I said, “All right, if You’re real, do something, because I don’t know what to do.”

At that point, I felt something slowly draining out of me–tension, self-focus, the devil? I don’t know–and when I was completely drained, I filled up again with a great warmth and peace. Rev. Showalter gave me a couple books he thought helpful and invited me to come back if I needed to talk more.

I walked out of his office with nothing in my situation changed but my whole life transformed. I knew there would be many difficulties to come and I would meet them all with God’s strength and presence always with me. And so it has been, to the extent I have allowed it to be.